My Fate of Never Ending Failure
by changingpennamesisweird
Summary: How will Hinata react to being ignored by Naruto? angsty onesided NaruHina. i don't do well with summaries, just read it.


**AN: this is my...third fic/second crappy oneshot. YAY! i've been trying to get it up early, but my beta (damn you raichikeri) aka my sister, keeps yelling at me for "tense inconsistensies". i was like, whatever, but no. she yelled at me so loudly i nearly deleted this. so here it is, i protected it!!!!!!! oh, yeah, flames are WELCOMED!!! BUT REVEIWS ARE EVEN MORE WELCOMED!!!! (wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense. flames ARE reviews... aw, what the hell.)**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO. IF I DID I WOULD TOTALLY GET MYSLEF MY OWN LAPTOP SO I DON'T HAVE TO FRICKIN SHARE THE COMPUTER WITH MY SISTER. **

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My Fate of Never-Ending Failure

By kiuiMIKI

I will never forget the day I told you I loved you. I didn't lie. I really did love you. You were my strength, my joy, my inspiration

I meant what I said. You held my heart, even if you were completely unaware that I would lay my life on the line for you. I've loved you for nearly a decade already when I told you, but I was too shy to tell you before then. If Pain hadn't attacked Konoha, I doubt I could've found the courage to tell you. But when I saw you bleeding on your knees before him, I realized… you might die. And if you died then, you would've died without knowing, and I'd regret that my entire life.

So I selfishly jumped in, not thinking about saving you, but thinking only of myself and the life of regrets I would be bringing upon myself if I didn't. I told you what I felt, caring only about how I did, and not thinking about how you would feel. I took my place between you and your adversary, who could simply kill me and move on to you. I knew I was obviously no match against Pain, but I was willing to sacrifice my life… not for the purpose of protecting you, but so I wouldn't look bad in front of you. Just so I wouldn't look like a coward to you.

Ultimately, I really didn't help much. I was more of a burden actually, dead weight that I inconsiderately dropped on your shoulders. But despite the impediment I foisted on you by jumping in, you still won the battle. I was glad, relieved, but most of all, I was proud. Proud that, true to our word, you had grown stronger while you were away. Proud that you had finally achieved what you dreamed of ever since you were little: acknowledgement.

After that, I waited. I knew you weren't the type to just ignore anyone, so I waited. I waited while you went out to look for Sasuke with Sakura. I waited when you came back, triumphantly dragging a battered-looking Uchiha behind you. I waited for you when you celebrated Sasuke's return with Kakashi-sensei and Sakura-san. I just kept waiting.

But you never talked to me. Whenever I run into you on the road, you wordlessly walk past me. Whenever I see you and say hi, you look past me, as if I weren't there. Always you (you always) saw someone else, ignoring me, favoring the company of others. One day, we were assigned a mission together, and I thought that you would finally look at me, if only as colleagues if not as friends. But you didn't even know my name.

I guess I assumed too much. I thought that, when I finally told you, you would welcome me with open arms with a declaration of undying love for me as well. That was unrealistic. How could I expect you to accept me? I'm worthless. No one has ever wanted my love, my acceptance; why do I even try to give it away? Just so I could selfishly bask in the feeling of being accepted?

I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. I just ended up getting hurt.

Every time you overlooked me, every time you passed me by… it hurt. My chest constricted, I was cold all over. Every time you looked at me, staring but not seeing, my heart shattered again and again until all that was left were pieces too small to be picked up. The pain was so intense that it made me want to claw it out in a desperate attempt to escape all the hurt. However, despite all these, I foolishly held on to the hope that one day, you might see me after all.

Once again, keeping my hopes up turned out to be a stupid decision. I saw you and Sakura at Ichiraku's, talking, laughing, and holding hands. I saw you pause for a moment, and, unable to tear my eyes away, I saw your lips meet.

My world froze; all I saw was you. And her. Together. I saw how your hands touched ever so slightly, the shy looks you gave her as you felt her skin touch yours. I saw the way you looked at her, with eyes so filled with love and happiness, and the smile which lit up you face was unlike any other smile you ever gave anyone. You had that look on you face, the look of absolute love that I foolishly dreamed you would someday give me.

But I can only dream of it now, because you already gave it to Sakura. No looks or smiles for me; you barely even know me.

The pain intensified. Everyday, when I woke up, I wondered if I had any reason to get up. I had nothing now. You were my life, my joy, my inspiration, my everything, my everything which was cruelly taken away. Maybe it's my fate to never be noticed. Maybe it might even be better this way. Then no one would notice that weak girl waling by with her shoulders hunched. No one would see the failure that I was. No one would witness the despair my heart was gripped with, everyone ignorant of the tears I've so wretchedly shed. All of them for you.

Thus I wandered the streets of Konoha: unseen, unnoticed, disregarded. I wandered like a ghost, dazed, unresponsive and unfeeling. Left alone to gather the pieces of a heart so broken I couldn't pick it up; a heart rent asunder by unrequited love. Unable to bear the pain, I chose to numb it, to kill my soul along with it, to clear my heart of any emotion. I began to see the wisdom of my father's words, when he said that a leader must be stoic, and gradually taught myself not to feel. Until I could look at you without the feeling the cold envelope my skin, until I could talk to you without the sorrow eating away at my heart.

I learned my lesson well. Now, I can kill a roomful of men without feeling remorse.

I became the heiress the clan wanted: strong, outspoken, stoic. I hid my weakness well; if I had to show any emotion at all, it would be very minimal. I made myself cold and remote, built these walls that now surround my heart, despite the protests of those close to me. I vowed to frown more often, and to smile less frequently; to speak more firmly, and be quiet less; to be a lot angrier, and be happy a lot less. Because happiness is emotion, and emotion inspires pain.

You became an ANBU captain; I could've cared less. You were named successor to the Godaime; a fact I overlooked. You became the Rokudaime Hokage, and I barely even noticed. I reveled at the new-found strength I possessed, amazed at the lack of pain. I finally thought I was going to be happy.

An invitation came in the mail a few weeks ago. "You are invited to witness the Rokudaime Hokage, Uzumaki Naruto, and Kunoichi of Konohagakure, Haruno Sakura, as they are bound together by the Holy Sacrament of Matrimony". As the head of the Hyuuga Clan, I had to attend. So I got into my best kimono, and went, escorted by Kiba-kun, Shino-kun, and Akamaru-kun.

As Sakura started walking down the aisle, I, for some reason, glanced at the groom. I froze. All I can see is you. I see the look of pure love and happiness which radiated from the bright grin on your face, your blond hair and your whisker marks absolutely glowing. I see that look, that look I used to dream about, the look that, in my youth, I wished to see you give me.

Then I realized: I still love you. You are still my strength, my joy, my inspiration, my everything. I gave up on you, Naruto; I didn't fight for you. I was so weak I couldn't even bear the pain that I inflicted to myself. I pushed you away too much, and now I face a future of regrets as I watch you and Sakura, both glowing with happiness, recite the words which will bind the both of you together forever.

A single tear drips from my cheek, falls down and hits the floor as I watch myself lose yet another precious person to my fate of never ending failure.

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**AN: i just stopped myself from inserting subliminal hints of "please review!" in the text, but i realized i would totally screw up the feel of it. oh well. REVIEW OR I WILL PERSONALLY HUNT HE WHO DARES VISIT THIS FIC AND DOES NOT LEACE A REVIEW!!!!!  
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